Golden Globes wrap-up – The Showcasing of the Inner Golden Globes

Last night there were a lot of Golden Globes on display.
And I’m not talkin’ bout the statues.
Seriously.
What is this new trend of the low V-neck exposing the inner side boob?
It makes me nervous. And okay, more than a little envious. I mean, I could never pull that off. If I were to go to the Globes, I’d need trick wires, duct tape and magical beans to pull off any attempt at cleavage, so I’m totally speaking out of jealousy…but still.
This year, the inner-side boob was the new black…and all the rage.

There has to be tape involved, am I right? I mean, otherwise you never know when a wayward boob is gonna pop right out for all the world to see. I suppose that’s a risk they’re willing to take.

Moving on…

My evening started with disappointment.

I’m a big fan of G’s (I’m such a big fan I can call her that).
Think of Giuliana what you like (and I’m thinking there’s a lot of you who are probably thinking who the hell is that?), but that woman has gone to hell and back in the past couple of years and come out ahead, and I think she’s brave and strong and never afraid to laugh at herself, which is always a bonus in my book.
But this outfit. Oh, this outfit was baaaad. And she’s a self-proclaimed fashionista. Awkward.
I actually feared the dress might choke her at any given moment on the red carpet, and every time I had to watch her give an interview I found myself wanting to shout out warnings to her.
“G!! Your dress is gonna strangle you! Call 911! Call Ryan!”
She looked she should be welcoming you into her haunted mansion instead of to the Golden Globes.
And her makeup was disastrous, too.

I thought it looked very dated with the spiky false eyelashes and plum lipstick. All she was missing was a maroon lip-liner and she’d have fit right into 1998.
I’m obviously a good judge of fashion. Especially from the 90’s.
The denim vest and 2-toned lips prove it.
Thankfully, Ryan redeemed her.
He looked positively dapper.
Like a tiny little Jimmy Neutron, with his shiny gray suit and his poufy gelled hair. 
If it weren’t for his obvious adoration of Julianne Hough, I’d totally peg him for a gay man. 
Right? I mean, they’re a cute couple, but wouldn’t he look even more fantastic with Neil Patrick Harris??
And speaking of Julianne Hough, I’ve been staring at this dress for hours now, and I cannot decide if I love it or hate it. It’s polarizing.
She looked gorgeous from the neck up, no question, but the dress was an odd juxtaposition of punk and pouf.
I’m thinking I kind of love it.
With the edgy hair and makeup she was like a Badass Barbie.  And really, isn’t that just a perfect combo??
Here’s a rundown of some of my other thoughts on the Red Carpet and the show itself.  I’ll try to be brief, but as you know, when I’m talking about celebrity messes (and celebrities in general) I can’t promise anything.
*Disclaimer* – These opinions are strictly my own. They may not match yours. Whatever. It’s why I have this blog. 

Halle Berry
Is she gorgeous? Absolutely. Undeniably. Unfairly.
Does she have a killer body? Absolutely. Undeniably. Unfairly.
Does this dress make one of her boobs look like it’s in bondage and one look like it’s escaping? 
The pattern looked like a maxi-dress for Caribbean night on the Love Boat, not the Globes.
Next up – Halle Berry in Escape of the Golden Globe!
(it’s after midnight right now…can you tell?)
Zooey Deschanel
She’s adorable. I loved her thick, curly ponytail, but think that I might have worn that taffeta dress to my 11th grade Homecoming dance. I know I wore those pop-a-beads.
The dress looked heavy and non-descript and was just meh for me. 
Lucy Liu
When she stepped onto the red carpet, all the bees and birds in the greater Los Angeles area descended upon her and pollinated.
And the tacky Pochahontas braid was totally wrong. I’m thinking……birdcage hat. Now that would’ve been awesome.
Sara Hyland
Oh, wait.
Hold on…
Okay, that’s her.
You can see how I was confused for a second.
Holy hair and cleavage, batgirl!!
And that dress? That dress is DIVINE, even if I can’t stop thinking that she looks like a 
Polly Pocket playing dress up in Bombshell Barbie’s closet.
Work it, girlfriend.
Amy Adams
Perfection. 
That color usually makes me fall asleep with boredom, but for some reason I was feelin’ it.
She called it ‘ballet pink’. I call it flawless.
Her retro-waved hair added to her classic Hollywood glamour. 
This is how you go to the Globes.
Sienna Miller
This is how you do not.
(I bet I totally had that top in 1978. Unlike Sienna, I paired mine with culottes and white Keds.)
Claire Danes
THIS WOMAN GAVE BIRTH 29 DAYS AGO.
If I didn’t love her so much, I’d totally hate her.
Gorgeous dress. Fit her alien body perfectly. 
She looked so smokin’ that I almost didn’t notice the ISB.
Jennifer Lawrence
Hottest thing going in Hollywood right now.
I adore her.
The unfortunate design of her dress that made her look like she had cone boobs? 
Not so much.
Julie Bowen
*sidenote to Julie (not Bowen, my NJ bestie Julie who I have a long running Golden Globes phone call with to share our critiques, of course) – THIS is the EXACT color I was talking about last night! The TEAL that I was dying to see!!
Okay, back to business…
Julie (Bowen… keep up with me) looked FANtastic! Love love love the lines of this dress…the color is to die for…her hair, makeup, jewelry…
This might be my favorite look of the night.
Stunning.
Now, let’s talk couples, shall we?
And the award for the most awkwadly mismatched couple in Hollywood Nashville anywhere goes to…
The fact that I hated her dress has nothing to do with it. 
They just always look so weird to me.
I wonder if he flat irons his own hair? Nah, I bet Nicole totally has to do the back for him. His arms look kinda short.
Clooney and Keibler
He is perfection.
She looked like she was wearing a bandage/bondage dress and like she forgot to do her hair.
WOMAN. YOU ARE WITH GEORGE FREAKIN’ CLOONEY. STEP. IT. UP.

Tina Fey & Amy Poehler
They’d totally make a cute lesbian couple, wouldn’t they? Looks like they’ve already gotten that pesky role-identification decision figured out and everything.
Amy looked adorable, if you can forgive the inner side boob violation, 
but needed hair thickening extensions in that pitiful little side bun. 
But looking at Tina’s hair, I can see that there probably weren’t any left over. 
Tina Fey – looking lovelier than I think I’ve ever seen her.  
These ladies knocked it out of the park. I admit I was skeptical, not because I’m not a fan (I am), but I was afraid it was going to feel too forced. And it didn’t. My only criticism is that they weren’t onstage enough.
Dax Shepard & Kristen Bell

You know I love them.
You know they’d be the only couple at my celebrity dinner table.
They are so adorable it makes my teeth hurt.
And one of my favorite Red Carpet moments –
When Julianna Marguiles and George Clooney ran into each other on E!s stage.
Unless you are 
1. as old as me
or
2.  an ER fan from waay back in the day
this photo will not ring a bell.
But if you remember the love story of Dr. Ross and Nurse Carol, take a moment to enjoy….and sigh.
Okay, this post has officially crossed the line from too long to ridiculous, so I’m gonna wrap up with 2 of my favorite show moments (and no, Jodi Foster’s bizarre diatribe, while entertaining, wasn’t one of them).
You guys.
Did you read my post yesterday??
It’s like I dreamed this into being.
When I watched it I totally killed off Keibler in my mind (not in a horrific way, of course) and put me on the other side of Clooney.
And then Ben won. 
He won.
Ben Affleck beat Spielberg and Tarantino and Ang Lee.
IN YOUR FACE ACADEMY.
And JLo had to watch it all sitting next to this doofus.
I didn’t even get to touch on Adele (can I please hang out with her?), Lena Dunham reading – reading – not only one, but two speeches (unforgivable), Taylor Swift’s knockout dress, Anne Hathaway earning a million bonus points with me for mentioning the Princess of Genovia, and Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig’s hilarious presentation skit (which I’ve now watched three times). 
But I’ve really gotta go.
I’ve got a wedding to go to next month and I need to start looking for a dress that can showcase my inner side boob.
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22 Comments

  1. Carolyn R on January 14, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    I LOVE this list!! 🙂 You’re so right on! My favorite from what you showed here is definitely Julie Bowen! SO GORGEOUS! 🙂

    • Michelle on January 15, 2013 at 12:41 am

      THank you! I didn’t actually get to see her walk the red carpet, but I wish I would’ve. That dress is killin’ me! Drapes SO beautifully. And refreshing to see her in a dress so different from all the others. I get so sick of the strapless beaded mermaid dress, don’t you?

  2. Kathy at kissing the frog on January 14, 2013 at 7:14 pm

    I love this post! Perfect wrap up. WTH Claire Danes. I had a baby 19 months ago and still don’t look like that. All the side boobage had me perplexed as well. I wish I would have seen Dr. Ross and Nurse Carol Hathaway’s reunion (loved that show). And honestly, I had no idea that was Guliana. Eww.

    • Michelle on January 15, 2013 at 1:00 am

      Hey, don’t sweat it – NO ONE looks like that after having a baby! And when Clooney walked up behind Julianna M. I about died. Doesn’t that seem so long ago, but they look so much the same??

  3. Kristin on January 14, 2013 at 8:16 pm

    What a perfect wrap up! G was on t.v. this morning about the fashion at the GGs and I couldn’t understand how they would let her speak in front of the camera while STILL WEARING that awful dress.
    I don’t like Julianne at all, so her dress was a moot point for me.
    Claire said that she was in a ridiculous amount of spanx. I want to believe that so I don’t have to hate her.

    My favorite moment was when Jen Garner had to mention who Ben forgot to mention. Such is the life of a wife. I love them.

    • Michelle on January 15, 2013 at 1:02 am

      Even with a ridiculous amount of spanx she was unbelievable looking. She’s one of those too thin girls normally, though, so I guess her body just naturally goes back to it’s prior form – like silly putty.
      Oh and I also loved when Jen thanked people for Ben! I just couldn’t adore them more!

  4. heather on January 14, 2013 at 8:30 pm

    The inner side boob is a sexy look but very specific. Not everyone will be able to carry this off! And I think IRL, this might be *too* much to reveal.

    • Michelle on January 15, 2013 at 1:10 am

      “very specific” – indeed!! And I agree with you – on the right person and if done right and not too much, I definitely see the appeal (Taylor Swift at the People’s Choice Awards for example). I just think it’s getting overdone. Inner side boob? NOT original.

  5. Lin on January 14, 2013 at 8:45 pm

    I didnt get to watch the awards show cause I was busy watching the season premiere of Shameless & Californication so you have no clue how fabulous it is to read this hilarious post of yours. Seriously, love the witty remarks & comments on the inner-side boob.

    Now I gotta run back to twitter & thank Kristin for tweeting your link 🙂

    • Michelle on January 15, 2013 at 1:03 am

      Glad to have done you the service of watching for you! Anytime!! 🙂 Thanks for the nice words (and tweet!) ~ I, too, will run to Twitter and thank Kristin!
      Make sure and check back after the Oscars, too!

  6. meg on January 14, 2013 at 8:51 pm

    This is such a terrific post. I don’t even know where to start – I didn’t want it to end. One of my favorite parts of the night was the little Amy Poehler/George Clooney whispering when they panned to her for her nomination, and BENN AFFLECK of course – so happy for him!

    I also noticed the ISB when Claire Danes walked on stage – there is NO WAY there wasn’t tape! And I thought Jennifer Lawrence’s dress was going to fall off her during her speech.

    I have to admit that I thought Halle Berry looked amazing when I watched it on tv… but that was like a shoulders and up shot. What a shame.

    Thanks for the recap 🙂

    Meg @ myborrowedheaven.blogspot.com

    • Michelle on January 15, 2013 at 1:05 am

      I LOVED when Amy was on Clooney’s lap! So clever and perfect! And of course Halle Berry looked amazing – she could wear a box and look fab – but the lopsided boobage made me chuckle! And anytime I can make fun of her perfect boobs you better believe I’m gonna do it! 🙂

  7. Teri Biebel on January 14, 2013 at 10:52 pm

    Hey not for nuttin’ but I think you’re sportin’ your own I.S.B. in that pic up there in the upper right. Not that I was lookin’ or nuttin’ but I saw boobage, babe.

    • Michelle on January 15, 2013 at 12:40 am

      If you knew me in person you’d know that that, my dear, is an optical illusion. Hahaha. I’m leaning forward. It’s the only way I’d EVER be sporting cleavage or side boob of ANY kind!

  8. Nichole on January 14, 2013 at 11:05 pm

    Oh man, you seriosuly hit EVERY single point in my book! I agree with everything you said! I never thought about Keith Urban straightening his own hair though, I died at that! haha

    • Michelle on January 15, 2013 at 1:07 am

      You know, now that you mention it, maybe he has a hired hair straightener. It’s ridiculous. He just does less than nothing for me so I’m a little judgemental about him. Glad you enjoyed the post! 🙂

  9. amanda kate on January 15, 2013 at 12:20 am

    love this list. did you happen to notice the inner side boob on sally field? yuck. is there an age limit for cleavage?

    • Michelle on January 15, 2013 at 1:08 am

      NOOOOOOOooooooooooo!!!!!!! I did not!!!! Oh man, now I’m gonna have to go cue it up again and see. On second thought, I’m not sure I wanna. The answer to your last question? YES.

  10. lo @ crazy ever after on January 15, 2013 at 5:51 pm

    I liked the color of Julie Bowen’s dress. Not so much the drapery look to it. It just needed a tassel tie and it would look like Scarlet’s curtain dress from Gone with the Wind. OK. Not that bad. But yeah, wasn’t a fan. Buuuut I’m a nanny that wears yoga pants and hoodies on the regular. What do I know about fashion? Clearly not a lot.

    Also. I didn’t know Kristen Bell was pregnant until she walked out on stage. I was all, “Oh girl, bad dress, bad dress. It makes you look with child. Oh wait. She IS with child.” It was like that scene from Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion…”You got fat.” “I’m not fat. I’m pregnant, you half wit.”

  11. Kara on January 16, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    Best Golden Globe Recap ever! Thanks for starting my morning out with a laugh!

    Hugs,
    Kara

  12. Funny Is Family on January 17, 2013 at 3:12 am

    I loved Amy and Tina, obviously, and would have liked to see more of them, too. On stage, not of the side boob.
    When Ben Affleck won, everyone was all “In your face, Academy,” but I was all “In your face, JLo!” Casper never looked more douchey.

    -Amy

  13. Jen Piwtpitt on January 18, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    I felt the same way. I had a Twitter follower who called G’s outfit “riverboat madam” and I couldn’t agree more.

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