The One (and only) Thing I Do Not Like To Buy At Target

Today’s post brought to you by my sinuses.
But really.
I’m all congested and drippy at the same time and my head is pounding and my stomach is queasy and I just. need. to. go. back. to. bed. 
So I arbitrarily picked this oldie for you.
No kidding, I opened up my post screen, randomly picked a screen number, closed my eyes and pointed my finger. And listen to this: The post I was pointing to was from exactly one year ago today (cue creepy music).  
Makes it seem like kismet. Like it was meant to be re-posted. Like there were forces of nature just clogging up my sinuses and my head so this Pulitzer-worthy post about buying tampons could see the light of day one more time. 
Enjoy. I’m grabbing my jumbo box of Kleenex and will hopefully be doing some heavy mouth breathing by the time you’re reading this. And not the good kind. 

Originally posted November 11, 2012

Aaand just when you feel like you have nothing to write about, your teenage daughter asks you to go to Target for some, uh, lady supplies.
photo credit:
Wait. Scratch that.
She actually first asked me if ‘Dad was going to Target on his way home?’

M: I don’t know. Why?

T1: Uh, because I was wondering if he could maybe get me some ‘lady supplies*’?
*BTW, we do not actually use the words ‘lady supplies’ in this house, but if I get any more specific she will be a million times more embarrassed than I’m sure she already is. Sucks to be the teenage daughter of a blogger. 

M: Hmm. I think I can say with unequivocal certainty that Dad would prefer if you got your sweet little fanny in the car we got for you and went to Target yourself for your lady supplies.

T1: Noooooo! I can’t do that!! That’s waay too embarrassing!!

Seriously, I shudder to think what this child will do in college.
So, never one to pass up an excuse to spend some time roaming the aisles at Target (especially at Christmastime), I volunteered.
And when I got there, I panicked.
Because here’s the thing. When I need to shop for ‘lady supplies’ my cart is always full of lots of other Targety things like paper towels and cat food and laundry detergent and pj pants and cute socks and Sweedish Fish and colorful measuring cups and coffee mugs with whimsical owls on them. And I don’t even think about it. Oh sure, I hide them under everything because my neighbors (who I always run into because of the fortunate fact that our Target is two miles from our neighborhood) don’t really need to know the volume of my flow, but other than that it doesn’t really bother me. 
But tonight I had only 2 things on my list. Lady. Supplies.
And when I walked in and realized this, I panicked. And I knew I had to fill up that cart.
So I called Husband and explained my predicament.
M: So do you need anything? Anything at all??
H: Contact solution.
M: Really? That’s it? Anything else? Deoderant? Razors? Artificial Christmas tree? All-weather floor mats??
H: Um, maybe some neosporin. And K-Y. Bahahahaha.
He’s freakin’ hilarious (and btw, maybe there’s two things I do not like to buy at Target). 
Here’s what I ended up with.  I am not lying.
Jumbo bag of cotton balls
12 pack of soap bars
Shaving Gel
Contact Solution
Teddy Grahams
Peanut Butter
Paper Plates
8 boxes of Christmas lights
oh yeah, and LADY SUPPLIES
Did we need all of that crap? Eventually we will, suuure.
Did it hide the lady supplies?
You bet it did, especially after I built a wall around them with boxes of Christmas lights and threw the bag of cotton balls on top.
Until I had them all laid out on the checkout belt and my (male) neighbor walked up behind me.
Next time, Dad gets to go.

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  • ~Dawn~ - hahahahahha…I had to go to Target yesterday for underwear. That’s it. Because my dog keeps eating mine (gross!) and I honestly did the same thing. I piled a bunch of things into a basket that I didn’t need, just to hide the undies. WHY?? Everyone wears them….but, it’s just so.embarassing!ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - I’ve had to buy a *bra* (shhhhhh) for my daughter there and she was with me and could NOT stuff it beneath all the other stuff in the cart fast enough. In fact, I’m pretty sure she was grabbing socks off the racks and just chucking them in the cart as fast as she could. Ahh…girl stuff. Why is it so embarrassing?!?ReplyCancel

  • chemistrymom - Yeah, the KY is in the shoplifter boxes at my Target. So added to the embarrassment of buying it, you have to wait for the cashier to unlock the box before they scan it.ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - OMG> never. I’d never. I’d wear a disguise. Or drive 20 miles to another Target!ReplyCancel

  • OneMommy - LOL — Dad should be thanking you, really. Love your collection of items. My problem is that I NEVER have a problem filling the cart at Target. List? What list? 🙂ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - I’m totally with ya. Problem is, with a Target just down the street I’m there pretty much every day so when you go back for the second time you kind of have to get creative!ReplyCancel

  • Darcy Perdu - Ha! So funny! One time at Target, I bought a box of Lady Supplies, 2 pints of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, and a bag of Dove Chocolate squares. The male cashier looked at my items, then looked at me with raised eyebrows — and I shot back such a fierce expression telegraphing “WhatCHOOlookinatmister?” that he quickly averted his eyes and rushed to ring up my items and get me the hell outta there! Ha!ReplyCancel

  • Michelle - Haha…DON’T MESS WITH DARCY! Love it!!ReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth Catalano - Haha. I can relate. Following the birth of my daughter it was heavy flow tampons, sanitary napkins, and oh yes, Tucks. Usually I had to run out in sweats with a sloppy ponytail. AND I’d always end up with the teenage male cashier. Sexy times.ReplyCancel

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