New Year’s is not my favorite (today, tomorrow, or ever)

New Years.

It’s a holiday that I feel comfortable admitting my hatred for.

I mean, I’m not a fan of Thanksgiving either, but it seems that any time I tell that little fact to people I get looks like I just admitted to hating crippled puppies or even worse – margaritas. (True story, btw…that I hate margaritas, not crippled puppies.)

But New Years is a holiday that it seems a lot of people other than myself have a distaste for.

New Year’s Eve haters of the world – Unite!

3 reasons I hate New Years:

#1 – The pressure.

There’s waaay too much pressure to do something extraordinarily fun and fabulous on New Year’s Eve. Something that puts absolutely everything you will ever do for the other 364 days of the year to SHAME. Make any other time you’ve ever gone out look like a 2nd grade-field trip.

Which means that when you are sitting at home in your jammies watching Dick Clark R.I.P…..and then Ryan Seacrest while making fun of Dick Clark R.I.P. (I know. I am a horrible, horrible person. And you know the past two years you made fun of him, too)…and are then subjected to B-list celebrities and no-talent hip-hop singers wearing dresses cut up to their hoo-haas lip-sync “Auld Lang Syne” while couples all dressed up in fancy garb wearing fun glittery hats smile and dance and kiss as balloons and confetti drop from the ceiling and the crowd goes wild in Times Square and in Disneyworld and in L.A. (pre-recorded of course, which kind of takes the wind out of that sail) and you are in your messy family room kinda drunk you feel more than a little bit inadequate and pathetic.

And hey, if I want to feel inadequate and pathetic I do not need Ryan Seacrest/Dick Clark’s R.I.P. help thankyouverymuch.

That’s what my nightly Chardonnay is for.

#2 – Resolutions.

I hate resolutions.

And I hate all the buzz about resolutions this time of year.

Listen, if you make resolutions, I’m just gonna come out and say it.

You are full of crap.

“I’m gonna work out more.” Liar.

“I’m gonna eat healthier foods.” Pants. On. Fire.

Drink less alcohol, drink more water, be kinder, volunteer more, make more time for family, organize your house/your life, watch less porn, go to church, spend less/save more….

I’m willing to bet that most of the people who love to make resolutions make the same ones year after year after year. What makes people think that the month of January is so magical? If it was magic, you’d still be running 10 miles per week and eating 4 almonds for your after dinner snack instead of that bowl of Rocky Road in October.

Resolutions? Ridiculous.

Resolutions are just an inflated way for people to feel better about themselves for a few weeks.

If you really want to do better for yourself and your life, January isn’t the answer.

February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November and December (oh yes I did just type all the other months out non-abreviated-ly) – there’s your answer.

And in case you are wondering, yes I will be working out more next week and throwing out the cookies and easing up on the Chardonnay.

But I don’t call it a resolution.

I call it my-jeans-are-too-tight-and-I-need-2-months-to-lose-6-lbs.-and-then-I-totally-won’t-work-out-as-much-and-will-eat-more-cookies-and-probably-drink-more-Chardonnay-until-I-need-to-wear-a-swimsuit-or-until-my-jeans-get-too-tight-again.

Hey, I am nothing if not self-aware and can openly admit my inadequacies.

Even without Ryan Seacrest and Dick Clark’s R.I.P. help.

#3 – New Years is ‘effin cold in Minnesota.

January 1st marks the beginning of the dark days for me.

If you are a new reader, please take a moment to read THIS POST. It will explain a lot about my feelings for the arctic state I live in and maybe make the posts that are sure to come in the next few months (which I somehow feel I should apologize in advance for) make a little more sense.

Wake me when it’s April. You think I’m kidding.

So what will I be doing Tuesday night on the eve of the new year??

I will be in my jammies in my basement, playing a board game or two and probably singing karaoke loudly while dancing and embarrassing my children.

Except for the light up New Year’s hat on my head and the special martini glass my cocktail will be in, it will be another ordinary evening with my family.

My favorite martini glass. And yes, it does have a rhinestoned ball that drops. Makes the evening a bit more enjoyable.

And that’s the way it should be.
No glittery dress or confetti needed.
But of course, I’ll kinda miss this guy.

Dick Clark R.I.P.

 

What will you be doing?