Today my daughter turns 20, which is completely and utterly impossible.
Is it because it was just last month that she was a delicious, soft bundle of infant?
Is it because just last week she was a precocious, entertaining and delightful toddler?
Or is it because it was only yesterday that she was an aloof (yet awesome) pre-teen?
Yeah, it’s all of those things, certainly, but mostly it’s because it was just an hour ago that I was 20 years old, and there’s no way in hell I’m now old enough to be the parent of one.
I mean, as the mother of a 20-year-old, shouldn’t I be doing things differently than I did forty-cough-something years ago and behaving in more of an adult fashion?
Shouldn’t I be eating regular, balanced meals; expressing thoughtful opinions on current world events; going to bed at a decent hour; quilting?
Shouldn’t my tastes have changed and evolved to include more than rainbow-colored cocktails and a fierce infatuation with celebrity life?
Shouldn’t I be wearing designer labels, traveling to exotic locations, and eating at restaurants that don’t have a drive-through?
Spoiler alert: I’m not.
With the exception of challenged eyesight, gray roots that appear out of nowhere every three weeks, the sleep patterns of an infant, and a drastically decreased infatuation with Paula Abdul, I’m still behaving just like I did when I was 20.
And I have evidence.
- I read Us Weekly, weekly.
- I wear leggings.
- I use a curling iron with a handle.
- I buy clothes at The Brass Plum in Nordstrom.
- I sometimes overindulge in things I know from experience I shouldn’t, which includes (but is not limited to) pizza, Taco Bell, and Appletinis.
- I cut the crusts off my grilled cheese.
- I will never not watch a movie with Meg Ryan in it.
- I wear my college sorority sweatshirts.
- I buy drugstore cosmetics.
- I sleep with the same man.
- I question authority.
- Will Smith annoys me.
- I wish my hair was longer, my boobs were bigger, and my skin was smooth.
- I only drink light beer.
- I eat Target popcorn for lunch.
- I don’t balance my checkbook.
- I am challenged by the eyelash curler, the smoky eye, and bronzer.
- Rick Astley songs excite me.
- I think I can dance.
- I don’t feel entirely comfortable in a room full of people.
- I’m easily intimidated by those who do.
- I eat the legs off chocolate Teddy Grahams first.
- I eat chocolate Teddy Grahams, period.
- I write in colored ink.
- I buy magazines because Rob Lowe is on the cover.
- I’m not entirely sure what I want to be when I grow up.
- I stay up too late.
- I take too many naps.
- I forget to moisturize.
- I plan to exercise.
- I’m embarrassed to buy feminine products.
- I wear novelty pajamas.
- My favorite shoes are my Converse.
- I worry about my mortality.
- The Internet amazes me.
But perhaps the biggest piece of evidence?
- I cannot imagine having a 20-year-old.
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