As most of you know, a year ago I was at the end of a year long battle with denial and was mere days away from reaching that big, red box on my calendar that I’d filled in with a skull and crossbone. My daughter was about to move almost 300 miles away to college. For […]

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  • Snarkfest - No pauses for laughter, your advice helped tremendously.ReplyCancel

  • Stacey Warner Hatton - You are such a great mom and writer. Loved this. Are you coming to Erma this year? I already booked my room!!ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - And YOU are so lovely to say those things. Yes! I’m planning on it! We can book rooms? I’m on it.ReplyCancel

You guys, I can honestly say I never saw that coming. The fact that Kaitlyn cruelly stomped on Nick’s heart with the pointy heel of her stiletto and then squished it around with the toe? Well, yes, that was surprising, but what I now realize Chris Harrison has meant every time he’s told us the […]

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  • Snarkfest - Then Nick tells her he has something for her in the bedroom.
    Kaitlyn: What?
    My 19yo: It’s his penis.
    It’s not.

    That right there is a proud momma moment, is it not? That daughter of yours, she’s awesome and she’s going places!!

    Thank you, as always, for the sheer entertainment and for not making me watch this stupid show. I love you and your recaps!ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - You know that my proudest moments with my children come from snarky Bachelor/ette comments, right?
      You are always welcome. But come ON. You’re not going to watch that adorable Peter Brady if he’s the next Bachelor?? Shame on you.ReplyCancel

  • NinaN - 2 cheese to one caramel is the right way.

    I think Nick should recieve a Schmemmy (that’s the awards for reality tv “stars”, right?) for his performances this season. Last night’s was amazing.ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Oooh! How can we nominate? I agree! But did think he was being sincere last night. And was so well spoken and in control about it. I’d have been so much more classless and called her a bunch of names that rhyme with witch and bore.ReplyCancel

  • Moira - “…the perfectly imbalmed Neil Lane.” You’re fantastic! This is seriously good shit and I love you.ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - And am I right? He’s like an elderly Ken doll. And I love you too for being a loyal reader!! xoReplyCancel

      • Moira - There you go again…elderly Ken doll! So damn funny and completely accurate! Neil is laughing all the way to the bank. One thing that I’d like to get to the bottom of from the season is WTF does an amateur sex coach do. NO, scratch that. That guy was disgusting.ReplyCancel

  • Jackie Owen - They were on Kimmel that night and he made them swear and promise a bunch of things on a stack of US weekly’s like they’d be together in a year….it was hilarious!! How can you not watch Paradise…your recaps would be awesome! But I get it…read that bible!ReplyCancel

A year ago my daughter was about to leave the nest. The soft, feathered, built-painstakingly-by-hand nest I’d created for her since the moment I knew she existed. Fine, her father helped…but still. I knew I needed to tell her all the things before she left, but didn’t feel like I needed to write one of […]

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  • Grown and Flown - Awww, Michelle, we love having each and every one of these letters on up on Grown and Flown today…they made us laugh and cry and laugh,again, too. Thank you for shaing them with our readers!ReplyCancel

Indulgences. Summer is the perfect time for them, isn’t it? (So are the holidays…and the bitter cold months of January…and February…and March…and the brisk, apple-crispy days of fall…but let’s not get carried away. Until October.) It seems that all I’ve been doing the past month or so is indulging, and not just on decadent food […]

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  • Snarkfest - Drinking some whites this summer, I’ll have to try the Talbott.

    When are you crocheting me my own blanket?ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - It’s a good balance between smooth and tart, if that makes any sense.
      And since it takes me a year to finish anything I start, and I have a list of requests that I’ll probably never get to, you’ll get a blanket around the time you move to a retirement home, which will be perfect, actually. 😉ReplyCancel

      • Snarkfest - Seeing as I’m dealing with hot flashes now anyway, I’ll need it more when I’m in the old farts home.ReplyCancel

You guys, it’s been so long since I’ve posed a Friday Favorites I feel like maybe I should take a moment to reintroduce them…but since I know that those of you who usually read them are long time friends of YMFT (hey girl, hey) I probably can skip that and get right to my apology […]

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  • Stephanie Murphy - I just bought several adult coloring books and despite my husbands teasing find it a huge stress reliever! Love the “Enchanted Forest” if you can catch it when it’s not sold out on Amazon!ReplyCancel

  • Lucia Paul - Looks like you’re having a grand summer! That sandiwch looks yummy. Off to read your Bachelorette recaps.ReplyCancel

You guys, I’m not kidding, since the episode ended I’ve had the chorus to that old 1976 song by Mary MacGregor in my head on a loop. (And don’t even tell me you don’t know the song or I’ll have my Stretch Armstrong beat you up.) “Torn between two loverrrrs…feeling like a fool. Lovin’ both […]

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  • Jackie Owen - You crack me up everytime!!ReplyCancel

  • Ann Marie Skubitz - I actually like Jason letter A so won’t pick him. I’ve got to go with D the G-funk.
    Your synopsis always makes me laugh. And I totally know the song. How true.ReplyCancel

  • Deb Church - My wine is coming out my nose I am laughing so hard. I am a Brady Bunch freak so the “that’s swell” reference is spot on! Kaitlyn just needs to have a threeway with Nick and Gosling and get it over with.ReplyCancel

  • Judy George - Wasn’t planning on watchng the next fiasco but if Ben is going to truly be the Bachelor, I’ll have to – love him! Have we got a drinking game going every time Kaitlyn says “oh, my gosh, my heart is beating out of my chest”! Tried it myself one night and got pretty “happy”. My money is definitely on Nick and I have a new respect for Shawn when he says if she chooses Nick, he will be OK because it will mean they definitely weren’t meant to be together. And Ben…….I’ve never understood why – when the last ones leave – they don’t offer a bit of advice to the bachelorette whoever she may be. So often there is a “Nick” in the house – and say “watch it with………”. I’m sure all of Nick’s emotion – his tears and tight voice – are for the camera – literally can’t stand him.ReplyCancel

  • Snarkfest - Totally love this AND am SQUEEING that you’ll be back to recap next season so I won’t break my streak of never watching a single episode of this show!!ReplyCancel

  • Shannon Baker Marek - D- for sure!!!!!ReplyCancel

(Pun. Intended.) Sorry for the delay in getting this recap up, you guys, but I’ve been in the shower for the past 20 hours washing the filth, shame, and disgust off of me. (Try as I might, though, that nasty regret just won’t scrub off.) As we’ve come to expect this season, this week was another two-hour […]

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  • NinaN - Oh man, poor Kaitlyn has really got herself into a bit of a uh……sticky situation. Sorry, had to. I regret nothing! And neither should you Kaitlyn! Thanks again for watching this for the rest of us :)ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Slow clap standing-O for that quip. Brilliant.ReplyCancel

  • Judy George - OMG – I love your Bachelor Bits! Why am watching this show? Why did I really truly like Kaitlyn in the beginning? Why was I so happy it was she and not Britt that “won”? (I could have saved myself hours of endless ……whatever…..had it been Britt. But then I ask myself……would I have been strong enough to resist the call?) You have always made fun of Jared and that’s my only area of disagreement with you – even though on the beginning show, I believe he said he was hoping that it was Britt – I felt he was really an honest and good guy and now he’s gone. He just needed a hair stylist. What did I expect……Kaitlyn is shallow – Ian was right – I saw that on the Bachelor – her quips, her sarcastic way, her weird sense of humor – but it appealed to me – that appeal is gone. There will be sex dates, then 2 hometowns and, of course, they’ll be with Nick and Shawn because poor Ben doesn’t really stand a chance – he’s just the “middle guy” – and in the end, she’s going to choose Nick – that is, if Shawn doesn’t choose to go home before the finale. And I totally agree – Nick is a shallow sleeze, Kaitlyn is a shallow sleeze – they will make an awesome pair – can’t wait for the “after the rose” show! Haven’t seen a lot of Chris Harrison this season – why do you suppose that is?ReplyCancel

  • Snarkfest - I’m starting to feel guilty, Michelle. You watch this crap, I don’t. You go through the weekly ordeal of putting said crap down on paper (you know what I mean) for the entertainment of others, despite the show being crap. I will admit there’s no way in hell I’d ever watch this horrible excuse for TV. And now I feel bad that you watch it and put your energies into recaps. I feel like I should buy you a bottle of wine for doing what you do for your audience. You are awesome and I have a bottle of wine waiting for when we do finally meet. A bottle of wine with an apology for needing more of your recaps. Because your recaps are epic. Way more epic than this stupid show could ever be.ReplyCancel

  • Moira - Please don’t ever stop watching the Bachelor franchise! You are the my favorite girl on the entire internet! FUNNY SH*T, Michelle! I almost wrote this season off as unwatchable, but I stay tuned and look forward to having you put my disgust into a prefect recap! Thanks for taking all of this for the team!

    BTW, what is Ben H. on the show? Doesn’t he seem better than this?ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - You are too kind! But after this one, I need a good cleanse. Don’t think I can take “Bachelor in Paradise.” BUT I’ll pick up in January for The Bachelor.
      And yes! Ben H. is awesome. If he’s the next Bachelor I’ll be happy (because we get to see more of his adorable face) but so, so disappointed in him for lowering himself to the ickiness yet again.ReplyCancel

      • Moira - I have never seen Bachelor in Paradise. I sense that is should be called “Bachelor Castoffs – Desperation Island”. I agree, after this season, a detox is in order.ReplyCancel

A couple of weeks ago I went off the grid. Like, really off the grid. To celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary, my husband and I escaped to Big Sur, California—one of our very favorite places. Big Sur is a place we’ve loved since even before we were married, but for some reason, haven’t visited since. […]

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  • Snarkfest - The mountains of West Virginia are pretty nice. You could always come here for a visit. Just sayin’.ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Oh, I bet WV is gorgeous! Never been! But I have the feeling my “country road” travels in the opposite direction. :)ReplyCancel

  • Pamela Fear - Michelle,
    I hope you guys get there someday. Chuck and I felt the same way about MN. It’s been good to us financially and it’s been a wonderful place to raise kids, but we knew we’d eventually end up somewhere more scenic, relaxing, and definitely warmer! We just hadn’t decided exactly where yet. We were planning to check out areas around North Carolina, in or near the smoky mountains. We both loved the idea of living in an updated, modern log cabin someday. As I read your post I remembered all of those discussions, usually accompanied by a glass or two of wine, as well. You’ll get there! It’s getting closer everyday!ReplyCancel

  • Judy George - Born in a little town in northern IL, raised there, married HS sweetheart; he started his own business and there you have it – 3 children,4 grandchildren, 2 great-grandchildren – and where do they all live? Right here in this same little town in northern IL! How could we move? We’re on the verge of retiring, grandson #! is taking over business but he’s the same one who blessed us with two of the most adorable great grandbabies in the history of great grandbabies – how could we move? Have family that moved the day their youngest graduated from HS – left him behind headed to college in the fall and took off for parts unknown – wound up in SC- loving it but guess I’m just too “family oriented” – don’t want to have to Face Time and Skype with all my kith and kin – but many times wish it were different!ReplyCancel

  • Moira - Great post, Michelle. Big Sur is a great place to reflect and make life changing decisions. Juila Pfieffer Burns State Park is a special place, that waterfall gets me every time. I am a California native and have thought about leaving several times, but have never been able to commit and make a move. I do a fair amount of business travel which allows me to see places and experience the seasons without living through them. I do love the changing leaves of fall, the first snow in winter, the cherry blossoms blooming in spring, and summer’s fireflies. I just feel at home here. It sounds like your MN life has been pretty amazing. I hope that you find your way back and your kids’ paths lead them here, in 5 years.ReplyCancel

  • Susie Q - You’ve just described my life… in reverse! Chicago-bred, moved to Northern CA (East Bay area) for 5 years for husband’s job. It was only supposed to be for a year or two, but things happened, and we stayed. And loved it. We knew we’d have to leave eventually (we couldn’t have afforded it long term at that point) but it truly is The Golden State, and I miss it often. Especially in February, when my friends are posting pictures of their kids in the pool. We came to MN for my husband’s job, but when our youngest graduated high school, we’re off (hopefully!)ReplyCancel

Yeah, I know. I used this GIF in the last recap, but get ready to see it again in this one more than once. You guys. Seriously. Come on. WHAT the eff is happening with this season? I can’t even. With all the regrets, guilt, tears, doubt, double talk, secrecy, and need for reassurance we […]

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  • Snarkfest - Cracking up and so proud of your 14. Obi Wan has taught her well.ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Some of her most important lessons come from this show.ReplyCancel

  • Judy George - One comment – arrrrggggghhhh!ReplyCancel

  • Ann Marie Skubitz - You are hilarious. Love these reviews. Always crack me up. And yes Ben Z -next bachelor.ReplyCancel

  • Denea Hope - James Van Der Beek?ReplyCancel

  • Ronalee Duncan - I am embarrassed to say that I wanted her to be the bachelorette. This show is sinking so fast. Great update, and quite accurate.ReplyCancel

  • Sue K. - Best. post. ever! You are spot on, as usual. I spend the entire episode doing the Kristen Wiig disgusted face. I would totally share that here if I could figure out how to do it. Or the Ellen “that’s gross.” And yet I return Monday after Monday to watch with said disgusted face. I just added an item to my bucket list: having all 27 of us get together to watch an episode together!! I would definitely pee my pants. :)ReplyCancel

  • Amy von Arx - Yea I’m kinda over it already. Let’s get this craziness over with and get to Bachelor in Paradise. Cuz that’s classier, LOLReplyCancel

  • Abby Dotts - Tell me if I’m wrong. Nick Viall look alike- Jason Segel. http://feelgrafix.com/data_images/out/21/936845-jason-segel.jpgReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Yaaasss! I see it, although since I adore Jason Segel I wish I didn’t. Will add it to the photo grid! :)ReplyCancel

I know, I know. These bits are so late you’ve probably leveled out from the rage you felt immediately after viewing the latest disaster and have already forgotten the rants I imagine you were shouting like, “Stop the sucking!” and “I’m gonna be sick!” and “Anyone want to get me a Guinness?” Don’t worry, I’m finally here to […]

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  • NinaN - Seriously!!! Why were the mics still on? It made the whole thing seem like a fake set up to make the show more interesting.ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Hmmmm. You have a point!! OR the cameraman and the producers back in the booth just wanted to listen in?? {insert that Ellen GIF here}ReplyCancel

  • Jackie Owen - John Lithgow!! Too funny!!! Again…you crack me up!! Thank you!ReplyCancel

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