I know, I know. Those of you who read these recaps are pissed that it’s late. But since I spent much of my time yesterday writing a recap that only 30 people read (sadly, stats don’t lie), and since I stayed up until midnight last night watching an episode and a half of Gilmore Girls after watching […]

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  • NinaN - Thank you for taking the time to write these recaps! I do worry for your mental health though….ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Eh, by now — 14 years in — there’s really no hope for my mental health. 😛 Thanks for always reading!!ReplyCancel

  • Teri Biebel - Hold up. I’m only halfway through and you do this:

    ‘JoJo is telling Rapersberger who her favorites are.
    He hugs her, wishes her the best, and then rapes her.”

    I need to go change my pants before I finish the rest. Because pee.ReplyCancel

  • Amy - 6 = number of times I literally laughed out loud reading this recap. Thanks for writing!ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - 2 = number of glasses of wine I will cheers you with later tonight for laughing and reading.
      1 = number of great big virtual hug I’m sending you. :)ReplyCancel

  • Julia - I have never watched an episode of either The Bachelor or The Bachelorette but I do love your recaps. Of course, they remind me of why I have never tuned in…hilarious. Thanks for taking one for the team.ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Smart woman. Live the hours of my life I’m losing well for me, m’kay?? Thanks so much for reading!!ReplyCancel

If you’re expecting to read much about our fair and lovely Bachelorette JoJo in this recap, you might as well move on along, because she was barely in this episode at all. But if you’re expecting to read about that jackwad Chad, an Erectile Dysfunction Specialist with a death wish, and ABC-sponsored PORN, then welcome! You’ve […]

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  • Judy George - Maybe I’m just old, but the whole “sex” stuff that ABC keeps insisting on, just isn’t really necessary, is it? The object is to find a guy to marry – right? Oh, OK – that’s just the supposed premise – but some former contestants have managed to do so despite ABC’s continued porn. It’s a difficult enough premise without throwing all that crap in. Evidently I haven’t been paying attention – Santa went home tonight, right – that’s Nick? And Christian? I’m sorry about that – kinda liked him. But again -= why don’t any of these guys clue her in about the “nasty’s” (read that CHAD) in the group – why do they just say – oh, good luck!ReplyCancel

  • Teri Biebel - “He also can imagine how it would feel to wear her skin, but he wisely keeps that nugget of info. to himself.”

    You made me nearly pee.ReplyCancel

Nick. Wes. Justin. Bad news Bently: When these guys were on The Bachelorette in seasons past we thought they were the worst. But there’s a new villain in town, and you guys, this one really is. He’s horrible. He’s an alpha male superdouche. He’s cocky and arrogant and I’m pretty sure verbally abuses anything that isn’t […]

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  • Jackie Owen - Jackwad!! Love it! You crack me up! Perfect recap!ReplyCancel

  • Kristie Buckner - This is exact how I remember it, every last word! LolReplyCancel

  • Judy George - Happy that Evan finally brushed that weird looking “curl” off his forehead – makes him look a tad less sleezy and I’m also happy that he had the guts to share his thoughts with Jo Jo – who I’m sure will keep the dickwad again tonight although it appeared last night as though she was “getting the drift”. I never can figure out why the guys who don’t get a rose don’t clue in the bachelorette as they hug that final time!ReplyCancel

It’s that time of year again, folks. Time for gluttony and indulgence and feeling like shit about yourself when you wake up in the morning and realize how you spent your evening. That’s right, it’s The Bachelorette season. But while it’s easy to feel guilt over the two hours of your life you sacrifice each week, […]

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  • Snarkfest - Thanks to Google’s result for Banyul, I know I will never try it. But the Skinny Pops? I want ALL the Skinny Pops!! And all the Malbec!ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Agree with you on all counts!! (Banyuls=Barf, which would totally wreck that Dark Chocolate Dusted SkinnyPop.)ReplyCancel

Welcome to another season of Bachelorette recaps! And big congratulations to Jordan and JoJo! See ya in January, folks, g’night! But really. I think we can all agree that Aaron Rodgers’ brother Jordan already has this thing tied up. But, alas, the road to true love via reality television isn’t that easy, and despite JoJo […]

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  • Amy - Amazing recap!ReplyCancel

  • Snarkfest - Not gonna lie. I’m thrilled you’re recapping again.ReplyCancel

  • Judy George - Love it – but ever heard of DVR’s or TIVO? We’ll accept your recap of the finale a month or so later! But back to the first show, personally I think Jordan is a douche – can’t stand his hair and maybe the fact that is brother is Aaron Rogers of the Packers is coloring my opinion (hate the Packers – we’re Chicago Bear fans and they are our nemesis). I sincerely wish ABC didn’t have so much to say about this because there were a couple guys I wish could have stuck around when they “forced” her to keep the drunk Canadian – who isn’t only a drunk – he’s totally weird! And also – personally – would not be really sorry if the acapella group didn’t stick around – talk about “forced”. Whatever – I’m so happy you’re back recapping these shows! Will be tuning in for sure – to you, at least!ReplyCancel

Hold onto your cocktails and ditch your dignity, you guys, we’re T minus 11 days until The Bachelorette premiere! Since I had to cut my recaps short with Bachelor Ben (who is happily—and shockingly—still firmly committed to flying into the sunset with Wings (check out her ridiculous Instagram pics — and by ridiculous I mean adorable)) I’m […]

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  • NinaN - These are the best contestant write ups ever! I actually read them all!! I can’t wait for the train wreck to start!ReplyCancel

  • Judy George - Yay – Michelles back! Missed you during Ben’s season!ReplyCancel

  • Jackie Owen - Yay is right!! Glad you are going to waste your time again!!ReplyCancel

Two years ago my daughter’s high school graduation was looming, and I was panicking. My hairdresser had inadvertently given my hair a Kardashian ombre look, I couldn’t find a new dress that was the perfect blend of “this is an important enough event for me to actually wear a dress” and “but it doesn’t look […]

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  • Nikki Etheridge Merritt - My daughter is just starting high school this fall, and now you’ve got me in tears already!ReplyCancel

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