Let me start this recap with a warning that last night’s episode also should’ve started with: No horses were harmed — or actually violated — in the process.  The fact that I even need to say it tells you pretty much all you need to know about the bizarre events of last night’s episode, but […]

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  • Snarkfest - Horse: WHAT THE FUCK IS MY LIFE?

    “They ride horses and Luke impresses the hell out of JoJo with his mad horse handling skills like making it go.”

    I die.

    Don’t you ever leave me. I swear I’ll find you and force you to write recaps of everything.

    ps….have fun in London. Totally jealous.ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - I love how much joy my bizarre thoughts give you.
      I won’t ever leave YOU, although I can’t promise I’ll be able to recap Luke or James or whoever’s season next winter yet, not because the thought of one of them as Bachelor already bores me to the point of choosing to scoop my cat box instead, but because I don’t know what my other recap writing schedule will look like and I like being able to buy things like cute shoes occasionally, even if it is awesome to be super snarky and be able to say fuck on my blog to drive a point home. 😛ReplyCancel

I don’t know about you, but once the Fourth of July is over, summer feels rushed to me. On paper, it’s ridiculous and erroneous, I realize, as we aren’t technically even halfway through it yet, but in my mind — especially this year — I start to panic. Panic over our dog days ending. Or […]

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  • Nikki Etheridge Merritt - I feel your pain! Four generations have enjoyed my husband’s family lake house. As our daughter enters high school this year, I’m dreading the busy-ness and not being able to just drop everything to spend the weekend at the lake. Have a wonderful trip!ReplyCancel

Question: Why has Michelle been putting off writing this recap all day and is only starting it now, reluctantly, at 3:00 p.m.? Answer: A.) She had to take her daughter to Driver’s Ed and brought her laptop with her so she could go straight to Starbucks and start the recap B.) She made a rash […]

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  • Snarkfest - “Our emoshinal connecshon and undershanding ish sho deep and reahl an I thinksh I’m who shesh be happier with.”

    I’m wetting myself (clear liquid for sure) over this recap. Athleta is nice, I’ll wait for your recap next Wed. Or Thurs. Or December. Whatever. You’re frickin’ worth it.ReplyCancel

  • Amy - Your Robby description was the best!ReplyCancel

  • Jackie Owen - Recap of your day not writing the recap was the best! Think it might not be new episode Mon. You get a day off!ReplyCancel

  • Judy George - Finally got to watch and love love love your take—-I just giggle all the way thru reading ! I was sorry to see Derek go home—he has the only hair I like. And I just liked his demeanor. So ultimately I really don’t care who JoJo winds up with at this point because of all the people that are left I quite frankly don’t care for any of them and I hate their hair. I don’t like Alex at all, haven’t liked him for quite some time. I really like sweet baby James but I don’t think he stands a chance. I don’t like Jordan and his hair ( yes I know that’s redundant ) and think Robby is a little strange and his hair truly bugs me. I think he wears a toupee. I like Luke but he wrinkles his fore head so strangely and Also—–guess what – – – I hate his hair! So happy to have a venue to talk about my guilty pleasure!ReplyCancel

It’s a tough time to be JoJo. Just when she thinks it’s safe to venture out into the woods without fear of being murdered by an arrogant, volatile ass-hat, she realizes she’s surrounded by them. Things suddenly took an interesting turn, didn’t they? And if you’ve watched this series for more than a couple of seasons, you know […]

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  • Nina - Maybe it’s wrong…..but I kinda love how ABC set up the barbershop with the planted magazine. TV magic.ReplyCancel

  • Kristie Buckner - “Evan who thinks the room is a circle”!!!!! Love it !ReplyCancel

The tragic events that happened in Orlando over the past week — all three of them horrific and unimaginable in their own ways — have left me breathless. Since I’m not the type of person who consumes information to cope (preferring instead to live in an ignorant fog of denial) I’ve been scrolling my newsfeed with […]

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  • Peggy - Same coping mechanism here. Just too horrifying to listen to 24 hour news coverage. Not because I don’t care, but because it’s too upsetting…ReplyCancel

I know, I know. Those of you who read these recaps are pissed that it’s late. But since I spent much of my time yesterday writing a recap that only 30 people read (sadly, stats don’t lie), and since I stayed up until midnight last night watching an episode and a half of Gilmore Girls after watching […]

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  • NinaN - Thank you for taking the time to write these recaps! I do worry for your mental health though….ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Eh, by now — 14 years in — there’s really no hope for my mental health. 😛 Thanks for always reading!!ReplyCancel

  • Teri Biebel - Hold up. I’m only halfway through and you do this:

    ‘JoJo is telling Rapersberger who her favorites are.
    He hugs her, wishes her the best, and then rapes her.”

    I need to go change my pants before I finish the rest. Because pee.ReplyCancel

  • Amy - 6 = number of times I literally laughed out loud reading this recap. Thanks for writing!ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - 2 = number of glasses of wine I will cheers you with later tonight for laughing and reading.
      1 = number of great big virtual hug I’m sending you. 🙂ReplyCancel

  • Julia - I have never watched an episode of either The Bachelor or The Bachelorette but I do love your recaps. Of course, they remind me of why I have never tuned in…hilarious. Thanks for taking one for the team.ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Smart woman. Live the hours of my life I’m losing well for me, m’kay?? Thanks so much for reading!!ReplyCancel

If you’re expecting to read much about our fair and lovely Bachelorette JoJo in this recap, you might as well move on along, because she was barely in this episode at all. But if you’re expecting to read about that jackwad Chad, an Erectile Dysfunction Specialist with a death wish, and ABC-sponsored PORN, then welcome! You’ve […]

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  • Judy George - Maybe I’m just old, but the whole “sex” stuff that ABC keeps insisting on, just isn’t really necessary, is it? The object is to find a guy to marry – right? Oh, OK – that’s just the supposed premise – but some former contestants have managed to do so despite ABC’s continued porn. It’s a difficult enough premise without throwing all that crap in. Evidently I haven’t been paying attention – Santa went home tonight, right – that’s Nick? And Christian? I’m sorry about that – kinda liked him. But again -= why don’t any of these guys clue her in about the “nasty’s” (read that CHAD) in the group – why do they just say – oh, good luck!ReplyCancel

  • Teri Biebel - “He also can imagine how it would feel to wear her skin, but he wisely keeps that nugget of info. to himself.”

    You made me nearly pee.ReplyCancel

Nick. Wes. Justin. Bad news Bently: When these guys were on The Bachelorette in seasons past we thought they were the worst. But there’s a new villain in town, and you guys, this one really is. He’s horrible. He’s an alpha male superdouche. He’s cocky and arrogant and I’m pretty sure verbally abuses anything that isn’t […]

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  • Jackie Owen - Jackwad!! Love it! You crack me up! Perfect recap!ReplyCancel

  • Kristie Buckner - This is exact how I remember it, every last word! LolReplyCancel

  • Judy George - Happy that Evan finally brushed that weird looking “curl” off his forehead – makes him look a tad less sleezy and I’m also happy that he had the guts to share his thoughts with Jo Jo – who I’m sure will keep the dickwad again tonight although it appeared last night as though she was “getting the drift”. I never can figure out why the guys who don’t get a rose don’t clue in the bachelorette as they hug that final time!ReplyCancel

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