Buckle up, my friends, and keep your hands, feet, and tacky statement necklaces inside the vehicle. With week one out of the way and the boring fantastical “meet and greets” taken care of, it’s finally time for the backstabbing to begin and the tears to start to flow like the free chardonnay that’s responsible for (much of) […]

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  • Amy - Amazing recap, as always! The pic of the red flags had me laughing out loud.ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Thanks! Yeah, the red flag pic is one I keep on hand for all my Bachelor recaps because it’s one that I always find the need to use. You’ll see it again, I can assure you, but I guarantee Ben won’t see them flying right in front of his face. 😛ReplyCancel

  • Snarkfest - “Ben: Caila, will you accept my rose? And by rose I, of course, mean penis.”

    Yogurt on monitor. Again.

    Ben takes mama-Amanda into a side, candled room, to let her know he’s been thinking of her girls and he wants them to make them some barrettes together

    Of course he does. I’d be shocked if he DIDN’T.

    I’ve missed this so much. Welcome back to recap-world.ReplyCancel

Here’s a story… Of a deranged blogger… Who continued to subject herself to trite… The show in question… Was called The Bachelor… And writing recaps took her all fucking night. But still, because she was apparently into SELF-TORTURE—and also because she had a handful of the very nicest recap-reading fans in the world— she did it over […]

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  • NinaN - Thank you once again, for taking one for the team. I didn’t make it through all of Katelyn’s season so I didn’t really get to “know” Ben. But one look at his picture yesterday put me to sleep. This guy seems like the snooziest of snooze fests. I will be happily reading your re-caps though!ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Oh, he’s not very exciting, of that there’s no question, but I really liked him during Kaitlyn’s season. He’s one of the rare ones who actually seem to be doing it to find love. (And by rare I mean delusional.) Of course, I’ve thought that before and then give the guy 26 women and he turns into … well, a normal man. But I’ve got my fingers crossed for Ben. He seems like a genuinely nice guy (which always makes me curious as to how/why he’s still single) and one that actually may not cross over into the man-whore category. (My 6 weeks into the future self is already shaking her head at me and chuckling.)
      Thanks — as always — for reading! I’ve gotcha covered! :)ReplyCancel

  • Judy George - Spot on as usual! Thank God for your recaps!ReplyCancel

  • Beth Lancaster Geurink - Love it, Thanks for adding to the fun!ReplyCancel

  • Mindy - I dream of a day when our son is old enough to join me in watching and making snarky comments! (Props to Thing 1) Until then, your recap allows me enough information to share in the laughs at lunch conversations. Thanks for the recap, nick names, and smart-alec comments that I may or may not repeat.ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - You’re welcome! Back atcha for reading, laughing and sharing! :) And yes, when my girls got old enough to be able to watch this fantastically wretched show with me I was elated! And when they both started flinging the zingers out and I understood that they got it — might have been one of my proudest days as a parent.
      A few years ago I wrote this piece about it. You might enjoy it!ReplyCancel

  • Amy - I love, love, love your recaps and am so glad you’re back this season!ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Thank you!! This season looks like it’s going to be (in the words of Chris Harrison) DRAMATIC and COMPELLING. So, so many tears, which makes recapping it so, so much fun.ReplyCancel

  • Donna Smith - OMG, hilarious. Thanks for posting!ReplyCancel

  • Mel - Sending love from frigid MN! I have been reading your recaps since Kaitlyn’s season, and dare I say, you have Reality Steve beat! Love, love, love this..,totally SPOT ON. Can’t wait to read your recap from tonight’s episode. -A fellow MN lakes-country girlReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Thank you!! Wow, what a nice compliment! Feel free to share the love! 😉 And yes, frigid it right. Holy cow. Today when my eyeballs felt like they were burning out of my skull and my nose almost fell off just from walking into Costco I was reminded why I hate MN so much in January and February. Plus, the gorgeous fall and mild beginning of winter made this brutal cold even more cruel, didn’t it? Stay warm! :)ReplyCancel

  • Teri Biebel - I can’t get past this sentence: “Tiara, a super cute chicken enthusiast who likes to rub her face all over her cocks.”

    Still reading. Had to comment on that.ReplyCancel

  • Teri Biebel - “Laura, the token ginger, tells Ben all her friends call her “Red Velvet.” And by “friends” she means customers.”
    Choking on my grapes right now, thanks.ReplyCancel

It’s a bold statement, I know, but I’ll stand behind it until my last breath. Which will probably be due to overstuffing my face with this toffee. The best part, besides the fact that it’s the world’s best toffee, is that it’s so ridiculously easy. Not easy like that Sigma Nu hoped I was in 1987 […]

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  • NinaN - Love this stuff! I always have it with almonds though. Pecans would be yummy too.ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Almonds are everything. I’ve never thought to try this with almonds. And the funny thing is I’m not a huge pecan fan, but in this toffee I love them. Guess I’ll be making another batch…ReplyCancel

      • NinaN - Yes! Try it! And sprinkle some on top too!ReplyCancel

  • Sue K - What happens during Step 8? You skipped that one. I assume you are away mixing a cocktail ??ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Ah haha! Nice catch! And no cocktails were responsible (unfortunately), just a brain that’s fried from trying to juggle the entirety of Christmas! But now that you brought it up…
      😉ReplyCancel

For almost 38 years I’ve been subjected to a torture and a hell. Something that the overwhelming majority of society—and even members of my own family—finds baffling and threatens to ostracize me for. Something I’ve oftentimes had to conceal in the very interest of my own survival. I hate Star Wars. (Hides under desk) I always […]

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  • Christine Donovan McDougall - I hate the person that chose to write spoilers mixed into their regular comments on a thread. Like, visceral hatred. But I would feel the same hatred if they told me the ending of any movie or book- but I don’t hate non-fans of stuff I like. I hate hipster douchebags that apparently need to ruin everything and probably stand n line behind kids at Santa explaining he isn’t real. They’re awesome.ReplyCancel

  • Ju Mc - Thank you! I’m in my early 40s, so I also grew up with Star Wars fever and then it showed up again in the late 90s. My ex-husband is a HUGE fan and made me wait for hours in line when the first prequel came to theaters. I was a dutiful wife and waited and then sat through that movie. I was pretty bored. I’ve watched all of the movies multiple times and I still can’t keep track of who’s who (except Han Solo–best character). My son has the fever now and he gets to keep his dad company now in the theater.
    Funny side note: we went to see Meet Joe Black because he knew that the Star Wars trailer was going to play before the movie! Have you seen Meet Joe Black? I’d rather sit through Star Wars, again! (*ahem* my current husband hasn’t seen all of the Star Wars movie and confuses Star Trek with Star Wars–he’s a keeper!)ReplyCancel

  • Pam Migdal Bernstein - I think Star Wars is, like, fine. Saw the original three in the theaters, because that’s what you did. But I didn’t understand the first one AT ALL. Like, I thought R2D2 was a dog, and C3PO was his owner. So I made my younger brother come with me to see it a second time, and he explained the action for the enire movie. And then I’m sure we stayed to see it again, because they didn’t kick you out of the theatrer in those days.

    And neither I nor my children have read a word of Harry Potter nor seen any of the movies. Just not interested!ReplyCancel

  • TaraLee - I was a kid when the first one came out and was dragged to the theatre with my cousins to see it. I’m pretty sure I fell asleep because I don’t remember much of it and I still don’t understand the plot. Several,years later my aunt dragged me to a double feature of the second and third ones. I remember very little except I thought the Ewoks were cute. I didn’t bother seeing the Prequels, and I have no interest in the new ones, even though they are now done by Disney. As for Harry Potter, I loved the books but I usually hate movies based on good books because of continuity errors. I hated the Harry Potter movies and I hated the Hunger Games movies for the same reason. Good books are very rarely reproduced well in the movies. Little details wrong drive me nuts. And me harping about those continuity errors drive my family nuts, but at least I have no pressure to take them to see these movies!ReplyCancel

  • Benito Lettieri - Just wanted to say I hate star wars too. I watched the original first movie, and the other first one. I gave it a try and they were extremely boring. I can’t understand all the hype about them. I guess people just follow like SHEEP.ReplyCancel

  • Lara - This made me laugh and cry at the same time, because I am a Star Wars fan, although I wouldn’t call myself a Star Wars freak.

    This is pretty much how I feel about Monty Python. There are people around me who can recite every movie, word for word, and I just stare at them, thinking, “But it’s not FUNNY. It’s STUPID.”

    I am proud of your bravery in admitting the truth. :)ReplyCancel

    • Michelle - Haha — thanks! I get the humor in Monty Python, but I’m with you. I can’t make it through an entire movie without choosing to do something like scoop the cat box or find a closet to clean. My husband, however, LOVES them and is one of the ones who can always recite lines randomly. Thanks for reading!!ReplyCancel

You know how over the past six months or so I’ve started every FF post with an apology for being lazy skipping a few weeks? Not today, my friends. Sure, I didn’t post last week, but instead of an apology I’m going to say this: You are welcome.Because after you get through this list I’m […]

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  • Lucia P. - A dupe for Frasier Fir!!! I nearly nit the floor at the General Store this year when I saw the price tag on the diffuser, etc… I mean north of $50 I think.

    Thanks for a great list!

    LuciaReplyCancel

  • Tanya Erntson - And here I thought I was going to have a non-Target day…ReplyCancel

  • Peggy Fox Weaver - I also love the B&BW body cream – I have tubes all over my house and office. Thanks for the tip on the candle scent! I will be there tonight!ReplyCancel

  • Heidi Schmalfeld Podzamsky - I was hoping you put the Santa hat Hershey kisses were on your list! I had to ask for them at my Super Target. They were only by the check out lanes, none in the Christmas dept. AND some of the employees didn’t know what I was talking about!!!ReplyCancel

I’m about to admit something that is personally disappointing and more than a little bit shocking to have to come to terms with, but is an honest confession. I don’t care for chocotinis as much as I used to? I haven’t read an US Weekly in over a month? Both true. Both disappointing and shocking, […]

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  • Christine Donovan McDougall - I just read an article where the couple has been doing cheesy. J C. Penny cards for twelve years- they did an eighties theme, a gangsta theme, a middle age/receding hairline potbelly theme- they’re hilarious because they now have their kids involved and they don’t take themselves so seriously…ReplyCancel

  • Pam Migdal Bernstein - I love holiday cards so much I keep them up all year! I seriously just took last year’s down because this year’s first one arrived over Thanksgiving (they are taped to the sides of the wall as you enter our kitchen).ReplyCancel

When I was a child, Thanksgiving dinner was one of my very favorite meals. And by Thanksgiving dinner I mean my mom’s cornbread stuffing and yams. And by yams I mean a yam drowned in gooey brown sugar and melted marshmellows. As for the turkey? I liked it just fine, but to be honest, warm turkey was—and […]

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  • Lucia Paul - Love it! we all admitted to each other a few years ago that none of us like turkey. So we make 2 roast chickens. But lobster…I like it.ReplyCancel

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