The dentist is my devil.

Today is definitely not my favorite.
I have to take Thing 2 to the dentist.
Remember how she feels about getting shots? It’s how she used to feel about going to the dentist until about a year ago, and how I feel about going to the dentist any day – with or without her.

I have always hated the dentist. While it’s true that my current dentist is a lovely and super friendly woman who never sounds judgmental or scolding when she looks at my chart and exclaims that it’s been 3 years since my last cleaning (gee, thanks. I wasn’t aware) and who chit-chats about trivial things like what she found at Target and the damn weather (a popular topic in Minnesota), I still hate it. Maybe because I spent a good portion of my childhood in the dentist’s chair thanks to an obviously inflated sugar intake (but which I like to blame on “soft teeth”).

dentistlist

When Thing 2 was about five years old she became terrified of the dentist. (And contrary to what you may believe after what I’ve just told you, I did nothing to perpetuate that. I swear.)
I was always super supportive (hypocritical) of everything dentist related and made going there seem like a freakin’ trip to Chuck E. Cheese.  Until she had her first cavity.

And maybe I described what was going to happen when they filled it with a tiny bit too much detail (what? I shouldn’t have told her about the shot of Novocain that would go right into her tiny gum?), but for whatever the reason the child was a hysterical pile of jello with an iron clad clench that you’d have needed the jaws of life to open when she went to get that little cavity filled.

Long story short (as if), after the beautiful, young, cheerful blond dentist-devil with the (obviously) perfect teeth removed me from the room (for reasons I cannot fathom) and spent over 20 minutes trying to coax and bribe and pry her little mouth open with tools I’m certain were not meant for that purpose, she came into the waiting room and announced that there was nothing they could do for her there and suggested a pediatric dentist….and general anesthesia.

Keep in mind how I feel about the dentist.  You can imagine how I felt having to watch my own child go through the same fears and emotions (even from the far away waiting room where I could still hear her screaming…along with everyone else in the 3 surrounding states). But I took her to the pediatric dentist, a lovely Indian woman with an accent that could soothe me to sleep called “Dr. G”.  And maybe it was the accent or maybe it was all the other kids running around, but I believe it was Dr. G’s no-nonsense, “tough love” approach that won Thing 2 over (as is the case with many parenting issues, am I right?). And from visit #1 six years ago, she’s been increasingly chill with having to go to the dentist, even when she’s had a little cavity.

I, on the other hand, still dread her dentist visits, even the little checkups, which is only what today is.

I lose sleep for days prior, I do the mental countdown (“this time tomorrow the dentist trip will be over”…”2 hours from now we’ll be all done at the dentist”), I sweat and bribe (myself) and usually have to excuse myself to the bathroom after we check in.
She’s a cool cucumber.  It might help that she hasn’t had a cavity in her last two visits (when she has I’ve made Husband take her in while I sit outside the office and down the hall) but even so, when she was there for her last checkup in July I made her go back to the exam room all by herself.  I told her it was because she was 11 now and it was time to man up, but in reality it was because even after all these years and visits, I still can’t take it. She was a little worried, and I lost buckets of sweat and felt like I was going to puke for the entire 20 minutes, but when she came back out relaxed and smiling I almost released my bowels with relief.

So right now I’m on the dark side of the visit. I’m trying to distract myself by writing this, but I have to say it’s not working because I keep looking up at the clock in the right corner of my screen and thinking, 5 more hours until I have to pick her up….6 hours until it’s over….6 and a half hours until I can drink….

Wish me luck.
And remind me to tell you about my next visit…in two or three years.
I wonder if I’m too old to see Dr. G?

 

20 Comments

  1. The Girl Next Door Drinks and Swears on January 30, 2013 at 5:37 pm

    I HATE taking my kids to the doctor OR dentist. I’ve had the privilege of experience each of them blindside me with a complete meltdown at each place (separate occurrences, of course). I do the countdown thing, and I may or may not be guilty of having canceled appointments because I dreaded them so. Hope all goes smoothly!

    • Michelle on January 31, 2013 at 3:15 am

      I’ve canceled before, too. But I keep thinking that if I make sure and keep up with the 6 month checkups maybe I can alleviate a future problem. Plus, it makes me feel better about not going myself. (That makes perfect sense in my head, btw.)

  2. Dawn on January 30, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    Honey, don’t EVEN get me started on the dentist….

    • Michelle on January 31, 2013 at 3:13 am

      Hmm…seems you can relate??

  3. Funny Is Family on January 30, 2013 at 9:04 pm

    My five year old enjoyed the dentist, until he had x-rays. Those bite wings make him gag until he pukes, and now he’s not excited to ride in the moving chair or get a new toothbrush.

    I don’t like the dentist either, and I had my hand clamped over my mouth while I read your list!

    • Michelle on January 31, 2013 at 3:12 am

      Oh my god I HATE those bite wings!! Seriously GAG. Did he really puke? That’s fabulous. Well, not for the dentist….

  4. Evani Gatsby on January 30, 2013 at 10:54 pm

    LOL I’ve thought that more than once. Can I go to a pediatric dentist? Seriously, they know all the tricks for kids, why wouldn’t they work for especially crazy adults?

    • Michelle on January 31, 2013 at 3:12 am

      I might have to switch to a dentist that gives you a little pill. Or one that serves tequila.

  5. Kimmyyy83 on January 31, 2013 at 12:33 am

    Good luck!!! hahaa are we going to last day list it up tomorrow!?

    • Michelle on January 31, 2013 at 3:11 am

      I don’t think so this month! YOU are my one true faithful “Last Day Lister”! Thank you for that! But since no one else seems to be interested, I’m not sure it will carry on. ??

  6. Dyanne @ I Want Backsies on January 31, 2013 at 2:19 am

    Your list sent a shiver straight through me all the way to my hoo-ha. I hate, hate, HAAAAAATE going to the dentist. Our family dentist once told my mom that my body was straight as a board in the dental chair and didn’t contour at all. Still that way. Fortunately, I’ve managed to fake it with my kids and they have never had a fear of the dentist.

    • Michelle on January 31, 2013 at 3:10 am

      I’m with ya – when I do actually go, my muscles hurt so badly the next day and I realize it’s because I kept my body so rigid while I was in the chair. Last time I took headphones but it didn’t help. And by ‘last time’ I mean a few years ago. Sad, but true. I floss. It’s cool.

  7. Robyn Welling on January 31, 2013 at 7:04 pm

    LOVE this graphic – but hate the silver tray of pointy doom. Don’t tell anyone, but the last time I went to the dentist it had been (shhhhh) **whispers** seven years since my last cleaning.

    You should switch to my dentist, who told me I have a naturally clean mouth and that every 7 years was probably often enough for me to go. He’s now one of my favorite people.

  8. Maddie Davis on February 11, 2013 at 3:09 am

    When I was a kid, the mad scientist they called a dentist drilled on my mouth with nothing, no shots, no gas, NOTHING!!!!!!!!! I HATE the dentist. I DO NOT go unless I am in major pain. Yep know not the right way do not care. I can so relate to your post and the reply’s. My kids have no dental problems and they go regularly. My daughter has had braces, but not me. No way no how.

  9. Jerri Franceschi on February 12, 2013 at 7:13 pm

    People are probably scared of what the dentist is doing inside our mouth without us knowing. We just hear different kind of sounds and different kind of metals being inserted in our mouth and suddenly we feel pain; we feel something tingly. The scariest thing I’ve ever experienced was when the dentist injected one of my teeth because it had to be taken out. I’m not afraid of injections but being injected in the gums is very painful. Ever since that day I promised to see the dentist regularly to avoid that gruesome feeling again.

    Jerri Franceschi

  10. Caitrin Femia on February 19, 2013 at 7:38 pm

    I feel for you Michelle. I don’t know why, but your list brought back old memories of me sitting on a dental chair while staring at a blinding light. Visiting my dentist is not something I look forward to. It gives me chills every time I hear their electric brush and it always hits my tongue, its really frustrating! I have to conquer this fear and face my arch nemesis “The Dentist”.

    Caitrin Femia

  11. Deena Herring on February 22, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    I’ve been on the dark side of dental visits before too. I even had to be sedated in some of it. But looking back, I can only smile – literally and figuratively. “Stop hating. Start healing.” That’s what my mom told me. 🙂 I hope you can work out Thing 2’s fear. –>Deena

  12. Richard Wright on March 28, 2013 at 8:52 pm

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  13. Rose Pipper on April 24, 2013 at 8:52 pm

    Thanks for sharing. I would love to find out more. I am looking for a dentist in Cincinnati, OH. Its been a long time since I’ve seen one.

  14. […] just be sitting in the waiting room while Thing 1 is getting her teeth cleaned, but if you remember how I feel about the dentist it won’t be surprising to tell you that my heart rate is as high as Wiz Khalifa on […]

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