Last week I was walking down the sidewalk in the small town near our cabin, and coming toward me was a large man-boy who was walking about three feet in front of his tiny little girl who was about two years old and was toddling along at the normal pace for a toddling two year old.
He stopped, sighed, turned and yelled — angrily — “Come ON! I don’t have all day! You better keep up with me right now or you’re gonna get it. Right NOW!!” and then walked back and grabbed her little arm and yanked her so she was practically flying along beside him.
Did I mention she was two (at the most)?
Toddling down a sidewalk behind her angry-barely-legal father?
Who had no patience with her toddling?
Get a stroller, dude.
About two days later I was browsing along in Famous Footwear and a woman came in with her two kids and immediately started yelling at them about “having to buy their god damned shoes so they better behave”. She told one to “stop acting like such an idiot” and threatened to send the other one (who was about five years old) out to sit in the car alone.
I hear it everywhere.
Parents being gigantic douchewads to their kids.
So I decided to write another letter.
*You can read the first one HERE.*
Dear jack-hole parents who verbally abuse and insult their kids in public,
First of all, let me get something out of the way.
I, too, yell at my kids.
Every parent who is not a lying-liar-who-lies yells at their kids.
Kids can be irritating little sacks of shit at times, I get it.
But please, for the love of Fred Rogers, stop belittling them and berating them in public.
In fact, you really should make it a point to not belittle and berate your children ever, but if you’re gonna be the jack-tard kind of parent who does it, do it in the privacy of your own trailer, for god’s sake.
I am shitsick tired of listening to you bully your children in the aisles of Target or at the mall or the zoo. The zoo – where you supposedly went under the pretense of being a good parent and to enjoy some quality family time. Guess what? A lot of other people actually do want to enjoy the zoo with their kids and don’t need to be listening to you bitch at your three year old about not being able to keep her SpongeBob popsicle from melting down the front of her ratty Bratz® T-shirt.
Hey douchewad, they’re kids. They’re gonna do dumb shit! If that inconveniences you, please remember that fact the next time you have unprotected sex with that shit-for-brains ass-clown who thinks wearing his trucker hat slightly off-center and his jeans below his butt makes him look boss.
Did it ever enter your imbecile brain to think that maybe, just maybe, your kids aren’t actually the problem?
Listen, every time you open your giant pie-hole and spew obscenities and put-downs at your kid, you’re teaching them what is acceptable to hear, and what they’re worth.
And guess what?
One day, your little sack of shit is gonna be a big sack of shit, just like you.
You’re (so not) my favorite today.
Like the “Asshat Letters?” There’s more! Because as long as there’s asshat parents, I’ll keep writing letters.